| Hunger Games response |
[Apr. 4th, 2012|09:32 am] |
This is a response to http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/04/whats_wrong_with_the_hunger_ga_1.html. I figured I might as well put it here.
Obvious SPOILERS because I figure anyone who's going to see it already has.
Dafuq? It mentions the book, so I'm guessing the author has read it, but that can't be true because they somehow missed the fact that what makes the book good is that it's all about the motivations of the character, and why she acts the way she does. The book is first person, so we know EXACTLY why she makes her decisions. We get an intimate view of her struggles on what action is best, and her feelings on whatever the outcome is.
As far as not killing anyone, setting the tracker jackers on the Careers very definitely counts. She knew what she was doing, and risked it backfiring on her (which it almost did). I know that in the book it definitely mentions how she feels she killed more people than Peeta (who only accidentally killed Foxface). It's not really too difficult to understand why she's not excitedly hunting the rest of the players down. I believe she also counts guard boy's death as her doing, because it is a result of her actions. She can kill if she has to, but if environmental factors lead to their death rather than her hand, so much the better. Even in a fight to the death, she (and the audience) are still bothered by the demise of some other players because it's a HORRIBLE THING. If there's any chance that both she and Peeta can make it out alive, she's going to take it because killing someone you only know a little is horrific, especially when there's any glimmer of hope.
About being saved by men, I just have to point out that she is not saved ONLY by men. Rue points out the tracker jackers, helps Katniss get rid of any remaining venom, and in the book knows more edible plants. Katniss and Rue come up with the idea to sabotage the Careers' supply pile. That is definitely not waiting around for some man to rescue them. It's a huge risk that she takes, knowing that it will increase her chances of survival overall if it works. All of the characters accept help in any form it comes in, making the book actually above gender. The only way that gender/sex actually matters in the book is that one male and one female are chosen from each district. Everything else really depends on individuals choices. In the Capitol, everyone is so flamboyant that typical gender roles mean nothing, and in the outer districts, life is so difficult that everyone is scraping to survive by any means. There isn't anything about what's appropriate actions for certain gender roles, and everything about each individual utilizing whatever skills they have in any way they can.
Other examples of choices made include covering Rue in flowers (if people are hunting you down, taking the time to gather all those blossoms and delicately place them around a body in a funeral ritual is definitely a choice) and all her efforts to save Peeta. She could have simpered and let the inevitable (his death from infection) happen, and cry about it later. She does everything she can think of, including putting herself in danger to make sure that they both survive. Calculated risks are better actions than blindly racing in to decimate anything in her path, which is the fault of the Careers.
It's almost not worth noting because it should be so obvious that the entire situation is a commentary on how little choice anyone has in what happens. Both the book and movie make a very heavy point about how the entire population is manipulated by the government. Cato's realization at the end that he was only a pawn in a game that was all about keeping people in line caused him to go mad, losing any advantage he might have had. He no longer cared whether he lived or died, which in that situation obviously means death.
The love triangle might bother some people, but I feel it's part of the story because it's something that everyone cares about. We all want to know who is romantically linked with who, and how, and when it all started. That's just how we all think. It really gives another example of choice in the end, because Katniss does her best to not choose either Peeta or Gale, because she just wants to live as long as she can. Romance complicates things, and the terrifying future of any children she might have is enough to put her off of forming any kind of family.
tl;dr AUTHOR, Y U NO READ THE BOOKS???
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| Insecurities |
[Jan. 1st, 2011|12:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
\When people have fun without me, it somewhat makes me feel like that the reason they're having so much fun is because I'm not there and thus everyone is happier without me around and people actually dislike me.
It's stupid, but that's pretty much the kind of emotional issues I've had for a long time. |
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| Yeah, friends. Uh huh. |
[Dec. 5th, 2010|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
Pat is a dick and pretty much only cared anything about my feelings when we were whatever the fuck that was.
I get it, it's a party. I don't want to make people not have a good time. I have earplugs, I know you want to listen to loud music and dance and yell. By the way, Pat is the loudest person in terms of yelling. Maybe it's just because I know his voice very well, but every time I try to sleep I feel like his cackle screaming laughter is filling the house. Again, my room is exactly in the wrong place for noise pollution, but I really fucking hate when someone tries to make me feel like I'm crazy and stupid and irrational and selfish and not making sense.
I was fine with the music and people dancing above me. I've gone to sleep during parties before. When the stomping gets extra crazy like they're playing DDR directly above me, I need that to stop. It wasn't nearly anything like that for the past hour that I've been downstairs. I just wanted people to quit stomping like crazy, and he's all "but we're DANCING!" No. You were dancing before. Now you are stomping and being an asshole.
I should start making a fuckton of noise in the mornings when I'm up before everyone else. I respect their sleep schedules, why can't they show even the tiniest respect for mine? Dave was great, he worried about the music being too loud etc, and I appreciate that a lot.
Fuck you, Pat. You keep doing more and more to show you don't care even a little about me anymore, and you're not worth it. I do not need someone who no longer matters to me making me feel inferior. |
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| what the fuck ever |
[Nov. 7th, 2010|12:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | angst mix | ] |
They actually think they're being quiet. What the fucking fuck. I wear earplugs, I play music. I can STILL hear them. Part of it is that my room is right next door, the walls are thin, and sound carries through this house like there's nothing there, but it's not just that. It's mostly Elissa's impossibly amazing ear shattering orgasms that keep me awake. When I feel like I'm going to be loud I shove a pillow in my face. For someone who is/was sensitive about her privacy and sex life she's sure uninhibited about this crap.
Brian pointed out that I have started to have medical problems because of my inability to sleep, so this isn't just me being bitchy. Is it so irrational to still be upset about this after a month? I still don't understand how I'm supposed to just be totally ok with everything immediately. Maybe the problem is that we never really had a breakup, he just sort of told me that it's looking like things are more serious with the two of them, no more stuff with me, I cried at him for an hour, and that was it. Maybe I just need to have an idiotic irrational loud angsty cathartic fight with him and not speak for a week. Maybe we can't be friends for a while. It really really really sucks to have a bedroom next to an ex while they're deliriously happy.
Ten more fucking months of noise in this house. I'm not sure I'll survive. |
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| not a good day |
[Oct. 26th, 2010|03:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  FUCK | ] |
FUCK Pat and Elissa and their FUCKING perfect happy completely coordinating lives. FUCK people who are better than me in every FUCKING way. FUCK assholes who leave me without a thought because someone else is giving them sex that not only would I not but is much better than anything I'd possibly be able to do. FUCK his clean freak tendencies that make him wash his sheets every other day which only cause me to think about how FUCKING much they're having lots and lots and lots of brain melting sex. How much sex do you have to have to need to wash your sheets every other day? FUCK FUCK FUCK BASTARD FUCK FUCK FUCK!
If I told either of them how FUCKING terrible I still feel sometimes, would they care even a little? |
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| hiding the pain |
[Oct. 18th, 2010|11:12 pm] |
UGH! Elissa is so fucking awesome! This is the second time she's brought us treats that she somehow acquired from stores that were going to throw them out (the first is Breadsmith who doesn't sell day old bread and this one was the "weekend" desserts from Tea Garden). She's interesting and funny and cute, and she fits in with our group so well. She cleans our house when she's bored. It makes so much sense that Pat would be head over heels for her. Why can't I just be fucking happy for them and get over this already?
Earlier tonight I was reminded of the trip Pat and I took to Madison. I think that might be one of my happiest set of memories with him. It hurts so much to think that I will never have that experience again because SHE is his girlfriend now, not me. When they made everything "facebook official" all of our friends were SO HAPPY for them. I know it's a good thing that they've both found someone that makes them happy, but everyone's utter joy in their situation makes me feel like my part in all of this doesn't matter, that my feelings are neither real or important.
I really really want to be happy for them. I like her a lot, and I still love him. I want them to be happy, and no one should have to hide their happiness. When I first started dating Brian I felt guilty about being happy months later, and that was really hard for me. It's bad of me to want anyone to feel bad about being happy, but I feel like they don't care at all about my feelings. I know they've tried to be discreet and more subtle and not rub my face in the fact that they're together now, but that only goes so far. Their being discreet is still loud enough to drown out loud music. Am I allowed to be upset that my roommate is having a good time? Normally I just laugh when I hear noises. I'm just still so upset that he immediately ditched me as soon as she came on the scene. Whenever they're alone together all I can think is "Oh shit they're going to have sex AGAIN" and can't sleep.
I guess it's just going to take more time than two weeks, but this is having an incredible negative impact on my quality of life. I am almost back to where I was 6ish years ago when my self worth was measured by my sex life, and I get so paranoid that I'm not attractive enough and lousy in bed. I need to remember that Brian loves me and wants me to be a slutty peacock (rather than less slutty) for Halloween, which clearly means he appreciates my body.
Here it is, 11:00pm and my mind is definitely going way too much to be able to get to sleep. I need to figure out a balance between taking time for myself to be ok and not taking my problems out on anyone else. This really really really really sucks, and I see no solution except to pretend I'm ok and wait until I actually am. |
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| and that's all the time that it takes |
[Oct. 14th, 2010|09:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
(for a heart to beat again)
I'm doing better. For a week I was completely distraught and couldn't eat and slept even MORE than I usually did, but I think I've gotten past the worst of it. I decided that it hurts more to avoid Pat and Elissa than to see either of them, so Pat and I watched some Project Runway. I'm not sure when we'll watch more Bones because when he's got free time of course it'll more likely be spent with her than me, but at least I don't have to feel like I completely lost a person that is so important to me.
Of course I will still be jealous and it will take a long time to get over this, but I'm not constantly angry or distraught anymore. The only problem I still have with them doing anything is that it means he won't be doing it with me. It still makes me sad when I wake up in the middle of the night and hear things, but not like last week even. The worst part is that I just want to kiss him and cuddle with him, but those just aren't options anymore. I suppose cuddling isn't forbidden, but I really doubt I'd be able to stop there so it's best to just avoid physical contact still.
Brian has been so good to me during all this time (including when I anticipated this happening a while ago). He listens to my whining with minimal complaints and cuddles with me at night even though he doesn't like my firm mattress. I don't know how I would be dealing with everything if he wasn't so patient with me. I'd probably have gone down to Chicago and cried on Kate's shoulder every night or slept at my parent's house for a week.
I've had jury duty this week, and it is definitely interesting. I got called twice as a potential juror so far. The first time was a civil case and I was not selected as a juror. The second time was a murder case and the selection process was longer and much more stressful (just because I did not want to be on the jury). Fortunately I was not selected for that trial either. Massive relief. I don't want to be on any case I don't think, but there's still two more days that I might be called, so it's impossible to say what will happen. |
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| Bitches don't be understandin' polyamory |
[Oct. 7th, 2010|08:03 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Counting the Days - Goldfinger | ] |
Yes, Brian was my primary, but that doesn't mean I didn't love Pat. I'm going to marry Brian some day, but I was trying to figure out how Pat could be in my family when it came time for kids, etc. Other people seem to agree. BAH! All you mono-centric people don't understand what it feels like to love more than one person at once. Or I was treating Pat like shit and I totally deserved this. I'm gonna pretend THAT isn't the case.
So how passive aggressive is it to be listening to angst-tastic song off of HIS networked itunes? |
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| fuck monogamy |
[Oct. 4th, 2010|09:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rejected | ] |
Why can't everyone love everyone and be all open and shit!
I guess this is better in the long run, probably, but FUCK!
I posted this quote in my entry about telling my mom about Pat. This time it's about Pat again. It turns out he's too monogamous to stay with me forever. Love means needing someone to be happy more than wanting them to be with you. I know she's really good for him and that they make each other happy, but FUCK it makes me feel a bit worthless. All in all I do not regret being with him. The greatest joy and the greatest pain I have ever felt were both due to love. It'll be more pain for a while, but that is the price for the happiness that I had with him over the past year. I will endure this pain and eventually let myself open to the risk of feeling as much again someday.
I'd try to guard myself against being in a mono-poly situation again, but I learned years ago that I don't pick who I fall for. No regrets, just an indeterminate amount of time that I'm going to have hair trigger emotions.
Naamah's Curse, Jacqueline Carey p. 270
"I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love. It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss. Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy." |
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| quote and some thoughts |
[Jul. 13th, 2010|08:28 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | love | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
Naamah's Curse, Jacqueline Carey p. 270
"I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love. It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss. Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy."
So I guess I've been talking about Pat a bit much around my parents, because my mom asked me if he had a girlfriend. After a small hesitation I finally decided that that was about the best opening I was going to get and told her that I was his girlfriend. She was mostly confused about how I can be two people's girlfriends but eventually she came to the conclusion that as long as no one gets hurt things aren't so bad.
We'll see when I come out to other family members. |
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